Booze always seems to get the best of me.

Not that it’s really a problem, or to imply that I really care. It’s just the way it is and I’m okay with that.


I met up with some friends in Atlanta Friday night. A bit of Jack Daniels, a few tunes led and some catching up led to Sake bombs and sushi at a bar in a primarily gay neighborhood in mid-town Atlanta. I mention the homosexual aspect not because I care one way or another, but rather to stress that it wasn’t really the place I should have been trying to pick up girls while being typically inappropriate.

If memory serves the food was excellent, the sake was decent and the waitress declined my numerous offers to show her around town. That’s fine. There’s always the hostess. She was clearly gay because she just told me to get out and called her manager. I told her I had a manager but that didn’t help. What came next made me forget.

Let me explain. I spend a few hundred nights a year in bars and for the most part they’re all the same. Well, The Claremont Lounge was an exception and I can’t recommend it highly enough. Evidently this place used to be a fairly popular strip club back in the day and true to it’s roots, the Lounge still holds that title. Barely.

I’m sure the strippers there probably used to be real strippers back in the day as well. Unfortunately as any middle aged man can tell you, time, childbirth, and hard living don’t always improve a woman’s body in the conventional sense. I suppose they’re more suitable for battle, and they’re probably stronger and better adapted for cold weather; but a better stripper this does not make.

You know how at every strip club you go to there’s always one, maybe two girls there who you know are down to their last month? The manager’s about to tell them the truth, that their time has passed, and they’re ready to move on. They’re almost out the door but they’ve always got something left in the tank. Good fake tits, a slutty personality or a heritage that appeals to a few fetish guys in the crowd. You with me?... that girl's mom works at the Claremont Lounge.

Apparently this place is somewhat of an institution, therefore there’s probably quite a few people who can verify my story. In fact, it’s clearly a joke, it’s what the club’s known for. Something for people to tell stories like this about, In the mean time if a few fat chicks pick up a little pocket change, so be it. If this isn’t some sort of tongue in cheek joke than I guess I win.

Well, we stayed there for a few hours yelling at the girls and demanding a various tasks that are no doubt illegal. I even tried to set up a threesome for my married friends but it didn’t work out. I’m sure they’d heard it all before, because my behavior would have gotten me thrown out of pretty much any other bar. This is the type of place though, that’s such a joke that they pretty much expect and receive people like me at all times. I don’t think I was at all original, but nonetheless I had a good time.

Fast forward through a missed flight and some other nonsense and we end up at what was to be the main reason for the trip. Super Bowl in Jacksonville, FL. The party hosted by Sports Illustrated, highlighted the upcoming Swimsuit Issue and featured several of the models as well as many NFL players and personalities as well as a number of B-listers who couldn’t get past the velvet rope at the Maxim or Playboy parties.

Fairly uneventful except for a few fun C-list moments. I discussed a reent Iron Chef win with Ming Tsai. I challenged an over-the-hill MC Hammer to a dance contest (he declined) and metKanye West (performing in plae of a strangely absent Snoop Dogg).

All in all a great time and a chance to hang out with some people I don't get to enough.

Rugby people are stupid

This is why

The State of my Union

okay I've been a bit busy but here are some thoughts.

Dick Cheney was having a cocktail throughout the speech. Several times you could see it. Maybe it was just diet coke or heart attack medicine, but I'm pretty sure it was Jack Daniel's. He is the vice President dammit. I'd be partying too.

I wish people would interupt me every 30 seconds and applaud. I'd do a better job too.

It's pronounced new-clee-er right? Maybe I can be president someday. On second thought I'd rather be Keith Richards. Drinking and playing guitar sounds easier than solving the world's problems. Okay, whichever comes first.

Does anyone else feel like Nancy Pelosi has some sexual skeletons in her closet? Really, picture the bitchy student council girl you went to college with. The one who somehow got in with the popular sorority. Remember the couple times a year she got drunk? What happened? See what I mean?

Did the nerdy white guys with the purple fingers vote in Iraq on Sunday? I get the show of support but this just seemed kind of stupid.

How come Bush didn't mention the fake soldier that got kidnapped yesterday? Never pass up a chance to poke fun at your enemy. Gets 'em every time.

He kissed Joe Lieberman. OK.

I bet Bush watches the Paris Hilton show and laughs because they're dumb and not because they're whores. I laugh because they're whores, but that doesn't mean we can't meet in the middle. Who does'nt like a dumb whore? I love Paris Hilton.

I should go now. I've lost interest.


...she used to be pretty, but now she's just pretty fucked up

MTV's Sweet 16

did anyone see this shit tonight? What a worthless bitch.
That's all.

Why am I just finding this out?

So at 9 o'clock tonight I tune in to my local UPN affiliate to watch Dance 360 like I try to every night. I forgot that UPN hre carries a bunch of the Maverick's games. Tonight they're playing the Miami Heat.

I'm not a big NBA fan, but the fact that the Heat have a porn star as their head coach is adds just another reason to the list. Seriously check out Stan Van Gundy The picture does not do him justice, he is much dirtier in action. He's not even one of those cool porn stars like in Boogie Nights. He just looks like the guy in the scene right before a star finished the girl off. Maybe even a fluffer trying to break into the biz.

Apparently this has been going on for a couple years now, so I know this is probably nothing new to most. Like I said, I'm not an NBA guy, so I'm not up to date on these things. Any NBA knowledge I have is from BET or MTV. But I think I may have to re-think this stance. Any league which affords kids from the ghetto the opportunity to make millions of dollars, live in a total fantasy world of money, weed, and groupies is allright by me.

I should expand on this later....